Standing at the plate with a full count. Hoping to hit it out of the park, but I've only got one more strike.
That's the perfect analogy for how I feel right now. After two tries at making NYC the perfect situation for me, I'm staring down a third. This time everything's different.
Everything.
So all I can give it is one more shot. The pitch has been thrown and I'm taking a swing.
Let's hope it's a home run instead of an out.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Full Circle
Last night I met up with a friend whom I met while working at a publishing house in London. As her boyfriend introduced me to a friend of his he made the comment that I was the only one who stayed in publishing. I almost interjected, but as I thought about his statement, I realized that was the way it looked even though it was far from the truth.
In undergrad I had at one time considered a career in publishing. I applied to many positions at a local magazine publisher and to be honest, it was what drew me toward my job in London. But after returning Stateside and seeing how much the industry was changing I decided to change my plan as well.
I did a little marketing for a computer engineering firm and, after grad school, I fell into an account executive role in Boston working for Tech and health care clients. Which eventually led to my web content management experience and further fueled my interest in technology and the digital space. I truly enjoyed all of these roles and had never once looked back at publishing. But somehow, recently after interviewing for a more digitally focused position, I found myself in the custom content division of a large publishing house here in the city.
So, in a way, he was right. It was out of that idea and the decisions that I made following London which have somehow led me full circle without me ever consciously making the choice to.
In undergrad I had at one time considered a career in publishing. I applied to many positions at a local magazine publisher and to be honest, it was what drew me toward my job in London. But after returning Stateside and seeing how much the industry was changing I decided to change my plan as well.
I did a little marketing for a computer engineering firm and, after grad school, I fell into an account executive role in Boston working for Tech and health care clients. Which eventually led to my web content management experience and further fueled my interest in technology and the digital space. I truly enjoyed all of these roles and had never once looked back at publishing. But somehow, recently after interviewing for a more digitally focused position, I found myself in the custom content division of a large publishing house here in the city.
So, in a way, he was right. It was out of that idea and the decisions that I made following London which have somehow led me full circle without me ever consciously making the choice to.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
What If I Had Said Yes?
Summer 2003.
The four of us had planned a night out starting with dinner at Hickory Park in Ames before heading to Des Moines for dancing at Crush. That was how we often spent our weekend nights back then.
But it turns out this night would be different.
I can no longer recall all of the details about that night, but bits and pieces are still so clear, including the last words we spoke to one another.
"Can I go with you?" he asked.
"I'm not that kind of girl," I replied.
"I can respect that. I'll call you the next time I'm in town," he said and kissed me on the forehead before I stood up to leave.
********************************************************************************
A few hours earlier we were finishing up dinner when one of the girls with us said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to head home. Elli and I often went to Crush but we had specifically planned to go that night because our friend wanted to go. We decided to stay in Ames instead of going without her. Our other friend mentioned her fiancee and his friends were at a bar in campustown. We headed in that direction and ended up at Paddy's. We walked in and I began introducing myself to the people in the group. After a few short conversations with others, I introduced myself to him.
Most of the rest of that evening is a blur. I don't recall all of the conversation, but I do remember we never ran out of things to say. Elli would later tell me that she had tried to get my attention more than once that night and I had been completely oblivious to all around me.
All too soon the bar was closing and the group of us decided to go back to our friend's apartment for after hours. The conversation continued and soon it was 4 am.
Elli and I decided we should leave. I told him goodbye and he asked for my number before asking the question I have never forgotten.
"Can I go with you?"
I still clearly remember arriving home and walking in as the sun was coming up. I climbed into bed feeling happy and a bit sad. I laid there with his question still echoing in my mind:
"Can I go with you?"
*******************************************************************************
Why hadn't I just said yes? I hadn't wanted to leave, yet I had just met him and wasn't sure I should agree. What if he had come with me? Would we have had enough in common to have had something that would last?
We texted back and forth a few times after that night, but never actually talked again. A few months later I heard through my friend's fiancee that he had started dating someone else. I stopped communicating with him and it wasn't until my friend's wedding two years later that I saw him again. I literally ran into his fiancee coming around a corner and couldn't bring myself to go over later in the night and introduce myself.
I can never get that moment back and I am a believer in the everything happens for a reason theory, but I have to admit that I've often wondered what would have happened had I said yes to him that night.
"And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
- Erica Jong
The four of us had planned a night out starting with dinner at Hickory Park in Ames before heading to Des Moines for dancing at Crush. That was how we often spent our weekend nights back then.
But it turns out this night would be different.
I can no longer recall all of the details about that night, but bits and pieces are still so clear, including the last words we spoke to one another.
"Can I go with you?" he asked.
"I'm not that kind of girl," I replied.
"I can respect that. I'll call you the next time I'm in town," he said and kissed me on the forehead before I stood up to leave.
********************************************************************************
A few hours earlier we were finishing up dinner when one of the girls with us said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to head home. Elli and I often went to Crush but we had specifically planned to go that night because our friend wanted to go. We decided to stay in Ames instead of going without her. Our other friend mentioned her fiancee and his friends were at a bar in campustown. We headed in that direction and ended up at Paddy's. We walked in and I began introducing myself to the people in the group. After a few short conversations with others, I introduced myself to him.
Most of the rest of that evening is a blur. I don't recall all of the conversation, but I do remember we never ran out of things to say. Elli would later tell me that she had tried to get my attention more than once that night and I had been completely oblivious to all around me.
All too soon the bar was closing and the group of us decided to go back to our friend's apartment for after hours. The conversation continued and soon it was 4 am.
Elli and I decided we should leave. I told him goodbye and he asked for my number before asking the question I have never forgotten.
"Can I go with you?"
I still clearly remember arriving home and walking in as the sun was coming up. I climbed into bed feeling happy and a bit sad. I laid there with his question still echoing in my mind:
"Can I go with you?"
*******************************************************************************
Why hadn't I just said yes? I hadn't wanted to leave, yet I had just met him and wasn't sure I should agree. What if he had come with me? Would we have had enough in common to have had something that would last?
We texted back and forth a few times after that night, but never actually talked again. A few months later I heard through my friend's fiancee that he had started dating someone else. I stopped communicating with him and it wasn't until my friend's wedding two years later that I saw him again. I literally ran into his fiancee coming around a corner and couldn't bring myself to go over later in the night and introduce myself.
I can never get that moment back and I am a believer in the everything happens for a reason theory, but I have to admit that I've often wondered what would have happened had I said yes to him that night.
"And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
- Erica Jong
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Creating Myself
From an early age you are encouraged to plan your future.
I remember being asked in Kindergarten what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t know, so I answered, “A nurse.”
A nurse?!
This is silly to me now because I can’t even handle watching ER, so I know this is definitely not my calling in life. But when you are younger, you have no idea of the opportunities out there and probably just select a "career" based on what your parents do, or what you have seen on tv or read in books.
But my thinking I wanted to be a nurse is not the point of this entry. The point is that I think all this planning leads to a life full of chasing what you think you should be chasing. I've spent too much time looking forward instead of enjoying the moment.
And the funny thing is is that my life has turned out to be nothing like I would have planned it. In most ways, it’s better, but I didn’t realize it at the time, because I was too busy worrying over the fact that things weren’t going the way I thought I wanted them to.
If I am ever lucky enough to have my own children someday, I will not ever ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Not meaning that I won't encourage them to think about the future, but I will encourage them to "plan" in a different way. I won't discourage anything they may say they want to do and I will encourage them to explore their strengths and develop their passions. I will give them all opportunities to explore everything and anything they want, but I will never let them fall into the trap of thinking they "should" be something or another.
"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
-George Bernard Shaw
I remember being asked in Kindergarten what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t know, so I answered, “A nurse.”
A nurse?!
This is silly to me now because I can’t even handle watching ER, so I know this is definitely not my calling in life. But when you are younger, you have no idea of the opportunities out there and probably just select a "career" based on what your parents do, or what you have seen on tv or read in books.
But my thinking I wanted to be a nurse is not the point of this entry. The point is that I think all this planning leads to a life full of chasing what you think you should be chasing. I've spent too much time looking forward instead of enjoying the moment.
And the funny thing is is that my life has turned out to be nothing like I would have planned it. In most ways, it’s better, but I didn’t realize it at the time, because I was too busy worrying over the fact that things weren’t going the way I thought I wanted them to.
If I am ever lucky enough to have my own children someday, I will not ever ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Not meaning that I won't encourage them to think about the future, but I will encourage them to "plan" in a different way. I won't discourage anything they may say they want to do and I will encourage them to explore their strengths and develop their passions. I will give them all opportunities to explore everything and anything they want, but I will never let them fall into the trap of thinking they "should" be something or another.
"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
-George Bernard Shaw
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