That's how long I've now been a resident of New York City. Twenty-four Metro Cards and well over 1,400 Subway rides. Miles and miles of walking and countless pairs of shoes.
At least ten walks across the Brooklyn Bridge, three visits to Coney Island, and one visit to the US Open. Three nights in Harlem, two birthday parties in Williamsburg, and a train trip up the Hudson.
Two Christmases and two incoming classes of students. One tour of Yankee Stadium and a Philharmonic concert in Central Park.
Crumbs, Cupcake Cafe, and Sugar Sweet Sunshine. African, Caribbean, and Ukranian food.
And those are just a few highlights of the past 730 days. So you might understand my dilemma in making a change.
I'm really going to miss all this, but at the same time, I think I might be ready for a new challenge.
Showing posts with label City life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label City life. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
"Torn between wanting to stay & wanting to go & worried it will be the wrong decision either way" - Story People
As some of you know, I've been struggling lately with the decision to stay in NYC or move somewhere else. I always thought when it was time to leave New York I would be able to leave without feeling the same sadness that always seems to descend when leaving someplace you've called home.
I never thought I would get attached to a city so large, so lonely, and so loud. I never thought that the restlessness of the city would seep into my being. I never thought that above all else here, the city would be the one thing that eventually ends up keeping me sane.
The thing about New York is that it's all about the small moments. I've written a bit about this in a previous post, but it seems as if every day there are small things that I discover I love about this city.
It's the way the ground shakes when the Subway goes rushing underneath you. It's the way you can find takeout at 3 am. It's the way I feel when I am hurtling down Central Park West on a night bus. It's the fact that I recognize my fellow bus riders each morning. It's the way you can pack a picnic and spend an entire day laying in Central Park.
So as I come ever closer to the reality that I need to leave by the time my lease ends, I also come ever closer to realizing that I have become attached to this crazy, sweet catastrophe of a city.
New York, you could have been great. I just don't think I'm strong enough to be patient enough to give you anymore.
As some of you know, I've been struggling lately with the decision to stay in NYC or move somewhere else. I always thought when it was time to leave New York I would be able to leave without feeling the same sadness that always seems to descend when leaving someplace you've called home.
I never thought I would get attached to a city so large, so lonely, and so loud. I never thought that the restlessness of the city would seep into my being. I never thought that above all else here, the city would be the one thing that eventually ends up keeping me sane.
The thing about New York is that it's all about the small moments. I've written a bit about this in a previous post, but it seems as if every day there are small things that I discover I love about this city.
It's the way the ground shakes when the Subway goes rushing underneath you. It's the way you can find takeout at 3 am. It's the way I feel when I am hurtling down Central Park West on a night bus. It's the fact that I recognize my fellow bus riders each morning. It's the way you can pack a picnic and spend an entire day laying in Central Park.
So as I come ever closer to the reality that I need to leave by the time my lease ends, I also come ever closer to realizing that I have become attached to this crazy, sweet catastrophe of a city.
New York, you could have been great. I just don't think I'm strong enough to be patient enough to give you anymore.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
New York is Full of Un-New Yorkers
I realize most of my posts about NYC lately haven't been all that uplifting so I thought I would share a little something I have noticed and do enjoy about this city.
Last Friday night a friend and I were walking home from dinner when we passed a group of five friends taking pictures outside a restaurant. One of them was trying to take a photo of the other four and my friend stopped them and asked if they would like a picture that included all of them. They seemed a bit surprised and excited that someone had offered to do so.
"That's very un-New Yorker of you," they replied as my friend handed back the camera and we wished them a good night.
We looked at each other and laughed as we walked away. The truth is, in most of my experiences here, it really wasn't all that un-New York.
As I tell people all the time, New Yorkers are generally a pretty helpful and pleasant group of people. I've often seen them offer directions, hold open doors, and help old ladies on and off buses. I've been wished a good morning many times by random strangers walking past me on my way to work. I've seen many commuters thank their bus driver as they get off at their stop.
I think we realize that somewhere within the hardships of city life that we cannot change, we can make the experience better for each other in small ways. There are good days and bad days, but you can empathize in almost any situation which makes you want to help if you can.
In general I've experienced far more good from New Yorkers. And, in my opinion, it's usually the tourists acting the most "New Yorkish".
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato
Last Friday night a friend and I were walking home from dinner when we passed a group of five friends taking pictures outside a restaurant. One of them was trying to take a photo of the other four and my friend stopped them and asked if they would like a picture that included all of them. They seemed a bit surprised and excited that someone had offered to do so.
"That's very un-New Yorker of you," they replied as my friend handed back the camera and we wished them a good night.
We looked at each other and laughed as we walked away. The truth is, in most of my experiences here, it really wasn't all that un-New York.
As I tell people all the time, New Yorkers are generally a pretty helpful and pleasant group of people. I've often seen them offer directions, hold open doors, and help old ladies on and off buses. I've been wished a good morning many times by random strangers walking past me on my way to work. I've seen many commuters thank their bus driver as they get off at their stop.
I think we realize that somewhere within the hardships of city life that we cannot change, we can make the experience better for each other in small ways. There are good days and bad days, but you can empathize in almost any situation which makes you want to help if you can.
In general I've experienced far more good from New Yorkers. And, in my opinion, it's usually the tourists acting the most "New Yorkish".
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato
Monday, March 1, 2010
In Any Real City, You Walk
I've always enjoyed walking and, living in a city, I do a lot of it. So when my friend suggested I read the book The Lost Art of Walking by Geoff Nicholson, I was immediately intrigued.
"Walking had certainly always been a pleasure, but it was more than that. For me walking has to do with exploration, a way of accommodating myself, of feeling at home. When I find myself in a new place I explore it on foot. It's the way I get to know that place. Maybe it's a way of marking territory. Setting foot on a street makes it yours in a way that driving down it never does."
I've never understood the aversion some people have towards walking. To me, walking has always been a calming activity and a way to really orient myself within an environment. The first thing I do whenever I move to a new city is walk.
I walk to get places, I walk to get lost and discover new places, and I walk to understand a place.
I walk to feel a part of something. I walk to forget things. I walk to feel good physically and I walk when I'm feeling bad.
I've spent hours walking the streets of London, Boston and New York. Given the opportunity to take public transportation or walking, I will chose walking every time - well, unless it's raining in the city..I hate that. I've discovered unexpected things and encountered some interesting characters in these walks.
But the thing I enjoy the most about walking in a city is the feeling of being a part of it.
Yesterday I was taking in all the sights, sounds and smells of the city when I became acutely aware of all the people walking with me down Broadway. There were people everywhere. Passing me in all directions, each of us lost in our own little world, yet we all choose to be a part of the same city.
Sometimes this annoys me.
"During the busiest part of the day, I wasn't so much looking at people, as looking out for them, trying to avoid being bumped into, knocked aside, trampled underfoot."
But yesterday, it exhilarated me. I felt so alive among the crowd of people and didn't mind having to sidestep others along the way. The diversity surrounding me was striking. We are all a part of the same city and even though we all experience it in very different ways, we all just want to feel those ties - to the city and to each other.
Walking gives me a very real connection to the present. It allows me to develop a different type of relationship with my surroundings and, in a weird way, it allows me to feel less lonely in a city of millions where I know so few.
"Walking had certainly always been a pleasure, but it was more than that. For me walking has to do with exploration, a way of accommodating myself, of feeling at home. When I find myself in a new place I explore it on foot. It's the way I get to know that place. Maybe it's a way of marking territory. Setting foot on a street makes it yours in a way that driving down it never does."
I've never understood the aversion some people have towards walking. To me, walking has always been a calming activity and a way to really orient myself within an environment. The first thing I do whenever I move to a new city is walk.
I walk to get places, I walk to get lost and discover new places, and I walk to understand a place.
I walk to feel a part of something. I walk to forget things. I walk to feel good physically and I walk when I'm feeling bad.
I've spent hours walking the streets of London, Boston and New York. Given the opportunity to take public transportation or walking, I will chose walking every time - well, unless it's raining in the city..I hate that. I've discovered unexpected things and encountered some interesting characters in these walks.
But the thing I enjoy the most about walking in a city is the feeling of being a part of it.
Yesterday I was taking in all the sights, sounds and smells of the city when I became acutely aware of all the people walking with me down Broadway. There were people everywhere. Passing me in all directions, each of us lost in our own little world, yet we all choose to be a part of the same city.
Sometimes this annoys me.
"During the busiest part of the day, I wasn't so much looking at people, as looking out for them, trying to avoid being bumped into, knocked aside, trampled underfoot."
But yesterday, it exhilarated me. I felt so alive among the crowd of people and didn't mind having to sidestep others along the way. The diversity surrounding me was striking. We are all a part of the same city and even though we all experience it in very different ways, we all just want to feel those ties - to the city and to each other.
Walking gives me a very real connection to the present. It allows me to develop a different type of relationship with my surroundings and, in a weird way, it allows me to feel less lonely in a city of millions where I know so few.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
You Can't Go Home Again....?
I appreciate small city life. Sometimes the inconveniences of living in the city make me long for the simpleness of the life I used to live. I miss having a backyard and being able to invite people over for a cookout. I miss taking my car out for a long drive on a nice day.
But more and more I realize that I need to live in a city, or at least very near one. My dream from last night that woke me with tears. To be honest, I am still a little unsettled by the intensity of this dream and I think it is trying to tell me something.
My recent feelings of discontent and unhappiness have caused me a lot of contemplation. I am at the point where I am struggling with the decision of whether or not to stay in New York City. I go back and forth in my mind on this daily.
My dream last night found me back in school at Iowa State. I had decided to go back for another degree in a two year program. I said goodbye to everyone here and moved back to Ames. In my dream, I was ok with the idea as I packed everything up. I kept telling myself I could just move back to a city when the program finished. I was fine throughout everything that came next in the dream until it came to registering for classes. I was standing in the registrar's office at Iowa State and everything hit me. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to have to wait two years to be back in the city.
I started to have a breakdown and that was the moment I realized I was awake and crying. It took me a few minutes to calm down and completely understand that it was just a dream and not reality, but even now, I still can't forget exactly how unhappy I felt.
I love so much about home and appreciate so much about the simplicity of my life there and the pace of life, but I realize that I am definitely not ready to leave a different life at the moment for that...and I may never be. It will always hold a place in my heart, but at the moment my heart is telling me that it's not my place.
"How far we all come. How far we all come away from ourselves. You can never go home again." - James Agee
But more and more I realize that I need to live in a city, or at least very near one. My dream from last night that woke me with tears. To be honest, I am still a little unsettled by the intensity of this dream and I think it is trying to tell me something.
My recent feelings of discontent and unhappiness have caused me a lot of contemplation. I am at the point where I am struggling with the decision of whether or not to stay in New York City. I go back and forth in my mind on this daily.
My dream last night found me back in school at Iowa State. I had decided to go back for another degree in a two year program. I said goodbye to everyone here and moved back to Ames. In my dream, I was ok with the idea as I packed everything up. I kept telling myself I could just move back to a city when the program finished. I was fine throughout everything that came next in the dream until it came to registering for classes. I was standing in the registrar's office at Iowa State and everything hit me. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to have to wait two years to be back in the city.
I started to have a breakdown and that was the moment I realized I was awake and crying. It took me a few minutes to calm down and completely understand that it was just a dream and not reality, but even now, I still can't forget exactly how unhappy I felt.
I love so much about home and appreciate so much about the simplicity of my life there and the pace of life, but I realize that I am definitely not ready to leave a different life at the moment for that...and I may never be. It will always hold a place in my heart, but at the moment my heart is telling me that it's not my place.
"How far we all come. How far we all come away from ourselves. You can never go home again." - James Agee
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
New Yorkers are often characterized as being neurotic. After living in this city for the past year, I can see why and am worried that I am becoming the same.
I never feel enough of anything in New York City - pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, etc. I am continually battling feelings of inadequacy and it's starting to make me crazy.
I'm forgetting myself.
Gone is the girl who used to be so social. I feel completely unmotivated to pursue any of the things I used to love. I've become lazy and feel restless.
Sometimes I feel I have become someone I don't recognize and I miss the me I used to be.
New York has a trip-hammer vitality which drives you insane with restlessness if you have no inner stabilizer.
Henry Miller
I never feel enough of anything in New York City - pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, etc. I am continually battling feelings of inadequacy and it's starting to make me crazy.
I'm forgetting myself.
Gone is the girl who used to be so social. I feel completely unmotivated to pursue any of the things I used to love. I've become lazy and feel restless.
Sometimes I feel I have become someone I don't recognize and I miss the me I used to be.
New York has a trip-hammer vitality which drives you insane with restlessness if you have no inner stabilizer.
Henry Miller
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Revisting Old Dreams
“I had almost given up on the reality that living there was a real possibility.”
This was the statement that hit me in a conversation I had last night with my roommate who recently returned from a trip to Greece.
This morning I’m still thinking about that statement.
My affinity for London and European culture never died, it’s just been buried as time has passed.
The sadness that I felt boarding that American Airlines flight back to the US in July of 2003 is still crystal clear in my mind. I knew I was leaving behind an experience and a city that I had loved more than anything I had previously experienced. I wasn’t done living there and my heart was heavy that day because I knew it would probably be a long time before I was again in the UK.
In the first few months that followed returning stateside, I schemed of all the ways I could return to London. I applied for a job with the American office of my British company; I applied to American Universities with the thought that maybe I could do BUNAC again; and even applied to a few British University programs. But none of these worked out for me.
As time passed, I discovered Emerson’s Global Marketing and Communications program and applied as a compromise. I would be learning more about the field I love while working with people from other cultures - which I really missed having returned to Iowa. I would also be developing skills that could put me closer to getting a job overseas.
But after graduation, I once again got caught up in the details of daily life and I’m sad to realize that six years have passed already since I set foot on European soil. Circumstances always seem to get in the way and I also realize I let go of the dream somewhere in that time span. I had convinced myself to be practical and that moving back wasn’t a real possibility.
No other city has ever made me feel as instantly at home as London did and somewhere along the way I resigned myself to never being able to have that feeling again. But this conversation brought all those feelings flooding back and because nothing else is making me as happy here right now, when it’s time to start seriously considering my next move, it might be time to revisit that dream.
This was the statement that hit me in a conversation I had last night with my roommate who recently returned from a trip to Greece.
This morning I’m still thinking about that statement.
My affinity for London and European culture never died, it’s just been buried as time has passed.
The sadness that I felt boarding that American Airlines flight back to the US in July of 2003 is still crystal clear in my mind. I knew I was leaving behind an experience and a city that I had loved more than anything I had previously experienced. I wasn’t done living there and my heart was heavy that day because I knew it would probably be a long time before I was again in the UK.
In the first few months that followed returning stateside, I schemed of all the ways I could return to London. I applied for a job with the American office of my British company; I applied to American Universities with the thought that maybe I could do BUNAC again; and even applied to a few British University programs. But none of these worked out for me.
As time passed, I discovered Emerson’s Global Marketing and Communications program and applied as a compromise. I would be learning more about the field I love while working with people from other cultures - which I really missed having returned to Iowa. I would also be developing skills that could put me closer to getting a job overseas.
But after graduation, I once again got caught up in the details of daily life and I’m sad to realize that six years have passed already since I set foot on European soil. Circumstances always seem to get in the way and I also realize I let go of the dream somewhere in that time span. I had convinced myself to be practical and that moving back wasn’t a real possibility.
No other city has ever made me feel as instantly at home as London did and somewhere along the way I resigned myself to never being able to have that feeling again. But this conversation brought all those feelings flooding back and because nothing else is making me as happy here right now, when it’s time to start seriously considering my next move, it might be time to revisit that dream.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
A surreal life
I have technically lived in NYC for a week now. It still seems surreal to consider myself a resident.
There is an energy about this city that you can never escape. I feel it walking down the streets, riding the Subway, and even in bed at night as I am trying to fall asleep. There is never a quiet moment and I always feel as if there is something big happening around me.
I have moments in which something will cause me to flashback to my days spent living in London. And sometimes I find myself wandering around the city feeling all out of sorts.
The city doesn't feel like home yet and it hasn't been long so I don't really expect it to, but I also wonder how long it will take. It's such a big city and so different from anything else that I have previously considered as home - even living in London. I wish I had the words to describe it more effectively, but they escape me so I will leave you with a few pictures in the meantime.
My apartment building
Gramercy Park - We have a sweet view of the Chrysler building from my corner!
There is an energy about this city that you can never escape. I feel it walking down the streets, riding the Subway, and even in bed at night as I am trying to fall asleep. There is never a quiet moment and I always feel as if there is something big happening around me.
I have moments in which something will cause me to flashback to my days spent living in London. And sometimes I find myself wandering around the city feeling all out of sorts.
The city doesn't feel like home yet and it hasn't been long so I don't really expect it to, but I also wonder how long it will take. It's such a big city and so different from anything else that I have previously considered as home - even living in London. I wish I had the words to describe it more effectively, but they escape me so I will leave you with a few pictures in the meantime.
My apartment building
Gramercy Park - We have a sweet view of the Chrysler building from my corner!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
All relationships are different
For the past five years I have been in love.....in love with a city.
From the very moment I got my first glimpse of London the city captured my heart. Whenever I am there I get this feeling that is so hard for me to put into words and probably can't be understood by very many. I feel like I belong there. I always felt like I was free to be anything I wanted to be and would still be loved and accepted. I knew I could be completely and totally happy living in London for the rest of my life and nothing would be lacking if I could get my friends and family to come with me.
The feelings I had for London were everything I thought love was supposed to be. I loved that city so much that the trials and tribulations of living in the city were invisible to me.
So you can see why my relationship with Boston confused me at first. There were none of the initial feelings of exhilaration and giddiness. Everything was exhausting and frustrating from the beginning. I began to wonder if we were ever going to have any type of relationship and, if we were, if it would be worth all the effort.
I think that was partially because of the circumstances and my prior experience with London. After a relationship as intense as that, of course another city was going to have to work extra hard to measure up. I was already convinced my heart was taken. Also, I was so stressed about the move and so busy with school that I don't think I gave the city a fair chance in the beginning.
It took awhile, but the more time I spent with the city, the more Boston grew on me. I learned all of its intricacies and have come to appreciate them. I find myself excited when I see the skyline lit up at night and feel that I have found myself here while also being challenged to grow.
So while the feelings weren't initially the same, all relationships are different. It took me some time to get over my first love but I have also come to realize that another city has stolen a piece of my heart as well.
From the very moment I got my first glimpse of London the city captured my heart. Whenever I am there I get this feeling that is so hard for me to put into words and probably can't be understood by very many. I feel like I belong there. I always felt like I was free to be anything I wanted to be and would still be loved and accepted. I knew I could be completely and totally happy living in London for the rest of my life and nothing would be lacking if I could get my friends and family to come with me.
The feelings I had for London were everything I thought love was supposed to be. I loved that city so much that the trials and tribulations of living in the city were invisible to me.
So you can see why my relationship with Boston confused me at first. There were none of the initial feelings of exhilaration and giddiness. Everything was exhausting and frustrating from the beginning. I began to wonder if we were ever going to have any type of relationship and, if we were, if it would be worth all the effort.
I think that was partially because of the circumstances and my prior experience with London. After a relationship as intense as that, of course another city was going to have to work extra hard to measure up. I was already convinced my heart was taken. Also, I was so stressed about the move and so busy with school that I don't think I gave the city a fair chance in the beginning.
It took awhile, but the more time I spent with the city, the more Boston grew on me. I learned all of its intricacies and have come to appreciate them. I find myself excited when I see the skyline lit up at night and feel that I have found myself here while also being challenged to grow.
So while the feelings weren't initially the same, all relationships are different. It took me some time to get over my first love but I have also come to realize that another city has stolen a piece of my heart as well.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
NYC, Here I Come!
The apartment is finally ready and I got my first look at it on Tuesday when I headed down to the city for an interview. Located in Gramercy near Union Square it's not far from NYU. The neighborhood is full of restaurants, shops and parks. The apartment itself is nice, but tiny...as are all apartments in NYC. (Definitely makes me wish for the old days of renting an entire house for a fifth of what I am paying now! But if you live in the city that never sleeps, who spends time at home anyway?)
The boys are half moved in and as soon as I figure out how I am getting my stuff together, I will be heading down as well. The last time I moved I was lucky enough to have my dad to help. He helped pack everything up and did all of the driving out to Boston. This time I am on my own. I really don't want to drive a giant U-Haul into Manhattan, so I think I am going to just break down and pay the ridiculous fee to have movers do it for me.
Everyone's been asking me if I am excited about this move. Lately, the answer seems to be more of a no than yes. Figuring out the logistics of the move itself, finances, job hunting, and saying goodbye to the people I love in Boston have at times made me question the practicality of this decision. I think I have just been too overwhelmed with all the details to have given myself enough time to be excited about it.
There is so much to see and do in NYC that I know I will enjoy myself. I am just hoping that I am able to find a good enough job that allows me to be able to take advantage of everything the city has to offer. I am excited about moving to the city and having so many friends there to make the experience even better. I am excited about the job possibilities in my field. I am excited to live with my friends and for the crazy adventures we will have as roommates. I am excited at the possibility of being able to spend weekends traveling to DC and Philly. I am excited to finally be able to see the Christmas tree aglow in Rockefeller Center..and the many more things one can only do in NYC.
I must remind myself that in the beginning I questioned my decision to move to Boston as well and it turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done.
"Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
The boys are half moved in and as soon as I figure out how I am getting my stuff together, I will be heading down as well. The last time I moved I was lucky enough to have my dad to help. He helped pack everything up and did all of the driving out to Boston. This time I am on my own. I really don't want to drive a giant U-Haul into Manhattan, so I think I am going to just break down and pay the ridiculous fee to have movers do it for me.
Everyone's been asking me if I am excited about this move. Lately, the answer seems to be more of a no than yes. Figuring out the logistics of the move itself, finances, job hunting, and saying goodbye to the people I love in Boston have at times made me question the practicality of this decision. I think I have just been too overwhelmed with all the details to have given myself enough time to be excited about it.
There is so much to see and do in NYC that I know I will enjoy myself. I am just hoping that I am able to find a good enough job that allows me to be able to take advantage of everything the city has to offer. I am excited about moving to the city and having so many friends there to make the experience even better. I am excited about the job possibilities in my field. I am excited to live with my friends and for the crazy adventures we will have as roommates. I am excited at the possibility of being able to spend weekends traveling to DC and Philly. I am excited to finally be able to see the Christmas tree aglow in Rockefeller Center..and the many more things one can only do in NYC.
I must remind myself that in the beginning I questioned my decision to move to Boston as well and it turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done.
"Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
