I Hope It Will Be Worth What I Give Up

A friend of mine is moving this weekend. She is leaving Iowa for a bigger city and a new adventure. I've talked to her a lot about this decision over the past year or two because I clearly remember the first steps in my journey.

The sunny, September Saturday morning that I loaded all my stuff into the back of my dad's pickup truck is so clear it seems like yesterday. The Friday before was my last day of work which gave me almost no time to fully realize the impact of the decision to attend Emerson. Once everything was loaded, I hugged my mom and as we pulled out of the driveway, I had no idea I wouldn't be returning to Iowa in a little over a year.

It was dark and raining as we pulled off the Mass Turnpike and into Brighton two days later. I was about to see my new home for the next year. I started to feel a bit nervous as we turned onto Brock Street. I was moving in with two girls I had never met in a city I had never seen to go to a school I had never visited.

We pulled up to a dark house. It was Labor Day weekend and my new roommates were both off enjoying the last weekend of summer. I found the key Sarah had left for me and let myself in. The weather was humid and made unpacking my things miserable. Once we got everything inside and the bed set up, my dad left to go to his hotel for the night.

Exhausted, I climbed into bed. I laid there, listening to the rain, wondering what I had gotten myself into.

I would be starting school in just two days. It was an intensive one year program and I was worried about the program, making new friends, and learning my way around my new city.

The loneliness I felt in the first few weeks was great. This was magnified every time I talked to friends back home and they commented on how exciting they thought my life must be now that I was in Boston. This made me feel more frustrated that I wasn't feeling happier with my decision.

So I can completely relate to what this friend is going through at the moment. I haven't lied to her and said it's going to be easy. There will be moments of loneliness, of second guessing, of wanting to give up. But, I am confident she can do this, and, looking back on all of it from four years down the road, I can absolutely guarantee it will be worth it.


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
~ Mark Twain

Boston Bound

It was being let go from a temp job working at a computer engineering firm that motivated me to go to graduate school. Breaking into the PR field back home hadn't been easy and I was not ready to job hunt again. I realized there was so much more about the field that I was interested in learning and I decided that this was my opportunity to do something about it. I started applying to graduate programs in the Midwest and, on a long shot, randomly applied to Emerson College in Boston (the school I had only recently discovered while working in London) and Columbia University.

I never thought I would ever get into ether of the two East Coast schools and started seriously considering attending UNI or even UNL. Big surprise, I was rejected from Columbia, but I also got accepted into all the other schools I had applied to.

Crap!

I hadn't counted on that. I figured my decision on where to go to school would be made easier by the fact that I probably wouldn't get accepted into many of the programs to which I had applied. This presented a whole new problem. I had too many options.

Should I play it safe and stick close to home or take a huge risk and go somewhere I had never been and knew no one?

I agonized over the decision, asking everyone I knew for an opinion. As the time to put down a deposit drew closer, I found myself still unsure of what the "right" choice was for me.

The day the payment was due, I made a split second decision and chose Boston. I had to give it a shot. I had never dreamed I would get in and I took getting accepted as a sign.

Besides, it was just a one year program. If I hated it, I could move home in a year.

I announced my decision to everyone and got many shocked reactions. First, that I was going back to school and had made the decision to do so so suddenly and secondly, that I was choosing to go so far away.

I never gave my decision a second thought until a friend of mine looked over the course Web site and asked me if I was really sure that I wanted to be a part of a program that intense. I had been so excited about going back to school that I hadn't even taken time to really digest how much of a change this was going to be.

Stay tuned for part two.

Slow Seduction

My friend Emily and I always laugh when she says the Boston Red Sox seduced her, but lately I've been giving a lot of thought to the concept of seduction:
Seduce: 1. to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty. 2. to lead astray usually by persuasion - Merriam Webster

When I first moved to the East Coast I had no intentions of staying out here. My plan was to complete my Master's program and then return back to Des Moines and find a job.

But somewhere along the way I've fallen in love. I've fallen for the Boston Red Sox, the way the East Coast works hard and plays hard, leisurely weekend brunches, beach weekends, train travel, and laying out in the park. It was a combination of all these small things that, over time, got me.

A good friend of mine just today told me that she is moving back to the Midwest after living on the West Coast for two years. She has bittersweet feelings about it and I know exactly how she feels. It's something no one else can completely understand unless they've left home and fallen in love with something else.

I still miss so very much about home and will defend it endlessly, but a part of me is now starting to realize that I may never be truly content there ever again.

It took awhile, but Em, I think I'm ready to admit the East Coast has seduced me.

Like a jealous ex-girlfriend

That's exactly how I feel when I realize I can no longer call Boston and New England home. I went back to visit this weekend and I felt incredibly sad to feel like more than a tourist but less than a resident. It was a weird experience. I have so much fun with my friends there, but to know I'm not going to be sleeping in my own bed at the end of the night or hear them make plans for the week that I can no longer take part is somewhat surreal still.

Not a lot has changed since I "left" and I know it's only a matter of time before street names start fading and places start changing. While I know this was a decision I had to make, it's also a decision that still hurts.

New England fall

My last few days in Boston have me taking in every possible moment of this incredibly perfect fall. When I first moved here I thought the fall at home was beautiful...and it is...just not nearly to the same level as fall in New England. The abundance of sugar maple trees create such a beautiful scene that it's sometimes hard to believe it's real. I spent yesterday wandering around trying to capture some of that to share with you all. It hardly does it justice, but I hope you enjoy the pictures.


Fall in the Boston Common




View from my park bench



View of lake in Public Garden

Bye Bye Boston

Who would have ever thought the girl who had such a wicked hard time adjusting to life in New England would be so sad to leave it?

When I applied to Emerson, I had never been to Boston - or even the East Coast - before. To this day I am not really sure what possessed me to pack up and move halfway across the country to a place where I knew no one. I figured I would come for school and then afterward could move back home. After all, I had done the same thing when I moved to London to work after undergrad.

How much different could this be?

My first few months in Boston I found that I could not have been more wrong. I experienced so many moments of being completely out of my element - even more so than I ever did actually living in a foreign country. It definitely took some getting used to and I didn't exactly love Boston the first year I was here.

School was all consuming and I found myself cursing the icy hill of death and the T daily. I didn't understand the East Coast obsession with schooling, the Boston sports fanatics, or, at the smallest level, even the way they called sprinkles on top of ice cream jimmies.

There were many days that I wanted nothing more but to go back to everything that was familiar and easy. But when it came down to deciding if I wanted to renew my lease or not after that first year I decided I wanted to give Boston a fair chance. I was sure there had to be something I was missing.

And I was right...the experience of living in Boston as a young professional is definitely different than the experience of living here as a student. I found myself with time to take weekend trips instead of living in the Emerson library. I fell in love with Maine, the small towns along the coast, and spending lazy days at the beach.

I finally had money to take advantage of all the city offers - brunch on Newbury Street and the occasional drink at the Top of the Hub. I began to network and started learning about Boston's history - complete with visits to Dorchester, Milton and Arlington. I met some amazing people here that have made my life much richer.

It's been a great adventure and, even though I never realized it, somewhere along the way I became a "soda" drinking, cranky T riding, Red Sox loving girl. Yes, it was definitely worth the risk and all the tears.

I know this move makes the most sense for me right now, but I know I will return to Boston someday.

So instead of saying goodbye, let me just say: jusqu'à ce que nous réunir à nouveau.