My Own Story of the Day

In the style of Story People, I've created my own:

Torn between an old me and a new me and not entirely sure if I can be either.

I was on the phone the other night with a friend at home who's been married for 5 years with two little girls. In the middle of the conversation I was struck by just how different her life is from mine and how different my life used to be. I miss so many things about home at times, but then I also love all of the things I've gotten to do living in the city.

In some ways I feel like I never really lived before this, but I didn't know that before because I was happy with my life before. I want to feel a bit more settled in time but I don't want to have to give up one for the other.

I want to be both me's....a better me.

Dreams and Recipes for Soup

"This is a bag filled with dreams & recipes for soup & he's deciding right now which he's really hungry for. -Story People"

I came across this the other day while re-reading one of Brian Andreas' Story People books. He always has the best way to describe exactly what I'm thinking.

This particular story jumped out at me because I've been thinking a lot about what it is I'm really hungry for lately.

I love my job at the moment and I know I am getting to do so many things that most people never get to do but at times I fear that I won't ever get to have what everyone else has either.

Living in NYC is fun at times, but it means living paycheck to paycheck. Forget about vacations...I can't even afford to visit home. I don't own anything, not even a couch, and won't anytime soon since moving is a huge pain. Our apartment is so small that my old love for throwing dinner parties is out of the question, not to mention the fact that all my friends who loved attending them don't live anywhere in this time zone.

At almost 30 this is not the way I envisioned my life.

Which makes me think that it may be time to decide if I'm still hungry for the dreams or if it's time to be happy with the soup.

Remembering Who I Am

"I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be so it's easier to remember who I am."
-Story People (http://www.storypeople.com/storypeople/Home.do - for those of you unfamiliar with their amazing stories.)

This quote is so perfect for my life right now.

Each morning I get up at 6 am to do yoga before work. The city is finally "quiet" in these moments and all I have to focus on is me. In those moments everything I want and want to be is clear.

Growing up in a small town I felt as if I was always being told who I was supposed to be but living in the city makes me constantly have to make an effort to remember myself.

It took me leaving home and all the hard times along the way for me to fully realize who I am and who I want to be. The hard part for me now is knowing that and knowing that that me can never be found in NYC.