Revisting Old Dreams

“I had almost given up on the reality that living there was a real possibility.”

This was the statement that hit me in a conversation I had last night with my roommate who recently returned from a trip to Greece.

This morning I’m still thinking about that statement.

My affinity for London and European culture never died, it’s just been buried as time has passed.

The sadness that I felt boarding that American Airlines flight back to the US in July of 2003 is still crystal clear in my mind. I knew I was leaving behind an experience and a city that I had loved more than anything I had previously experienced. I wasn’t done living there and my heart was heavy that day because I knew it would probably be a long time before I was again in the UK.

In the first few months that followed returning stateside, I schemed of all the ways I could return to London. I applied for a job with the American office of my British company; I applied to American Universities with the thought that maybe I could do BUNAC again; and even applied to a few British University programs. But none of these worked out for me.

As time passed, I discovered Emerson’s Global Marketing and Communications program and applied as a compromise. I would be learning more about the field I love while working with people from other cultures - which I really missed having returned to Iowa. I would also be developing skills that could put me closer to getting a job overseas.

But after graduation, I once again got caught up in the details of daily life and I’m sad to realize that six years have passed already since I set foot on European soil. Circumstances always seem to get in the way and I also realize I let go of the dream somewhere in that time span. I had convinced myself to be practical and that moving back wasn’t a real possibility.

No other city has ever made me feel as instantly at home as London did and somewhere along the way I resigned myself to never being able to have that feeling again. But this conversation brought all those feelings flooding back and because nothing else is making me as happy here right now, when it’s time to start seriously considering my next move, it might be time to revisit that dream.

Dreams and Recipes for Soup

"This is a bag filled with dreams & recipes for soup & he's deciding right now which he's really hungry for. -Story People"

I came across this the other day while re-reading one of Brian Andreas' Story People books. He always has the best way to describe exactly what I'm thinking.

This particular story jumped out at me because I've been thinking a lot about what it is I'm really hungry for lately.

I love my job at the moment and I know I am getting to do so many things that most people never get to do but at times I fear that I won't ever get to have what everyone else has either.

Living in NYC is fun at times, but it means living paycheck to paycheck. Forget about vacations...I can't even afford to visit home. I don't own anything, not even a couch, and won't anytime soon since moving is a huge pain. Our apartment is so small that my old love for throwing dinner parties is out of the question, not to mention the fact that all my friends who loved attending them don't live anywhere in this time zone.

At almost 30 this is not the way I envisioned my life.

Which makes me think that it may be time to decide if I'm still hungry for the dreams or if it's time to be happy with the soup.