Pardon the Interruption

The series of entries I was working on will continue right where I left off, but I need to write about something that I've spent quite a bit of my week thinking about.

I don't do well with idleness. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I am constantly on the go. I was the girl who running around like crazy trying to do everything and living life as if there were never enough hours in the day. I often drove from one side of the state to the other in the same day visiting friends when I lived at home...I would attend one function only to leave and attend another.

I spent as much time as possible in the company of others.

It was the same in Boston..there was rarely a week that went by where I didn't hang out with people at least three nights during the week. I never got much sleep, but it was totally worth it. I was happy.

But here in New York that all changed. I don't have that circle of friends here, nor do I have the funds for all that and it's been a rough transition at times. I'm having a really hard time without that support network and busyness.

Don't get me wrong, I have learned to slow down a bit more, which is great and I still crave alone time every once in awhile, but lately less interaction and more alone time seems to be more of the norm than the exception and it's starting to make really wonder if this is the kind of life I want.


I was trying to voice some of my frustrations to a friend last night and she told me that I should accept the fact that no one is ever really doing what they love. She said I should realize that and just focus on other things. But I don't want to do that. I miss having things to be excited about and look forward to...I miss being happy. I don't want to live a life that lacks these qualities and that is what has made me really start questioning my decision to live in NYC lately.

I'm starting to get impatient with NYC but instead of moving on, maybe I need to remember I'm here for a reason...and if the reason isn't for me, maybe it's for someone else...and by helping others, maybe I will help myself.

Iowa State, Part I

When it came time to apply for colleges I knew only one thing - I wanted to go somewhere big where I didn't run into everyone I knew all of the time. My parents kept reminding me that anywhere I went was going to be bigger than what I what used to, but I didn't listen. I never considered community colleges or the very nearby University of Northern Iowa. I really wanted to go to a large university out of state but my parents - thankfully - talked me out of having to go to a school where I would have to pay out of state tuition.

That pretty much left me with one of two options - The University of Iowa in Iowa City or Iowa State University in Ames. I hadn't decided on a major yet so choosing a school based on the curriculum wasn't very helpful. I grew up in Eastern Iowa and in a family full of Hawkeye (University of Iowa) fans. I loved Iowa City. It was very liberal and such a great town. But I fell in love the minute I visited the Iowa State campus. It was beautiful and compact. In fact, Iowa State is one of only three colleges to have received the American Society of Landscape Architects medallion award given to outstanding landscape sites. I knew only five of my classmates planned to also attend Iowa State and it was settled.

I applied and was accepted in October and put the decision out of mind with all the bustle of finishing senior year.

Flash forward to August and the night before I planned to leave for school. I had to leave for school at 6 am to be there in time for work orientation and here I was coming home at 2 am from one last night out with my high school friends. I wasn't finished packing and my mom was furious with me.

"If you forget anything, that's going to be your fault."

"Mom, if I forget anything, I will be home again and can pick it up then."

Facing the pile of stuff I had yet to pack and the memories of the fun and laughter from earlier that night, the reality of my decision began to sink in.

Suddenly, I began to panic. What was I doing? Did I really want to go somewhere without knowing anyone really?

And this was the beginning of my impulsive, crazy moves to places where I am forever starting my life over.

Just a Small Town Girl

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the future lately which leads to a lot of thinking about the past. My next few blog entries are going to be a little break from the usual. I am going to take a little trip into the past and revisit all of the things in my past that have led me to my current location.

First stop on the tour: high school.

I had the unique experience of attending school with the same group of people since first grade and living in a town small enough (with a population of only around 700) that you saw your friends at least six days a week during the school year because everyone went to the same church on Sunday.

I also had the unique experience of mingling with various "crowds" throughout it all. There were a group of "popular" kids in my school, but not in the typical sense that you see portrayed on television. Everyone hung out with their own group outside of school, but during the day at school everyone interacted and was mostly pleasant to one another.

There were times we were grateful to know each other so well and there were also times that it was frustrating that everyone seemed to know your business before you did.

Sometimes it was hard to change. People weren't always willing to let others be anything other than they were in elementary school.

High school was busy for me: playing in band; working on the yearbook staff; singing in choir; volunteering; playing softball, volleyball and golf; and being a part of National Honor Society, among many other things. But my friends and I found plenty of time for shenanigans - I know none of us will ever forget our trips to the Perry Band Olympics, the Mitch Mobile, or a certain someone posting up an article in the hallway during lunch.

I was so lucky to be one of those people who overall enjoyed the high school experience. Even though I wouldn't choose to go back, I have some great stories from my high school days.

It was this small town experience though that influenced all of the decisions I made post high school. When it came time to decide on a college, I only desperately wanted to break away and go somewhere that I could have the experience of being just one person among many, but that's another story and a new post.

As Seen on TV

At the gym this morning the video to Rob Thomas' new single Someday caught my eye. There was something very familiar about the street he was walking down. I knew I recognized it, but was having a hard time placing exactly which street it was. I watched for a few minutes until I finally recognized the Madison Square Park banners in the background and at the end of the video I saw the famous Flatiron building in the background.

That was it! I spend hours in Madison Square Park so I couldn't believe it took me so long to place it.

When you live in New York it's weird watching the city on TV.

There's the beautiful view of the skyline that you see in so many movies that you often forget exists because you never see that vantage point living on the island. Each time I see that I remember why people are so enchanted with New York and actually find myself thinking of the city as beautiful.

Before, watching TV shows about New York City didn't really mean much. Now it's kind of exciting for me to watch them and try to place the streets and landmarks. I watched an episode of Gossip Girl the other day that was filmed at the end of my block. I recognized Irving Place in an instant and then immediately remembered all the cones set up on the street a few months back.

Watching old Seinfeld episodes are almost always even funnier now because the references and jokes take on even greater significance once you also have to deal with all that comes with living in this city. The last time I saw the episode where Elaine gets trapped on the Subway on her way to a party I couldn't help but laugh remembering all the times the train stops in between stations and the train is so crowded you are being held up by the people next to you and all you want to do is make it to the next stop so you can get out.

Each time I watch these shows though I still can't believe it's the same place I call home at the moment.

"Another time..another town..another everything - Shattered, O.A.R."

I posted these lyrics as my G-Chat status today. So very appropriate since I've spent the past few days revisiting the past.

I know I previously blogged about how I've often felt that I've lived many lives in order to get to where I am now. I often reference things I want to do in my next life, but I guess in a way, I've already been given the opportunity to live some past lives.


Would any of you believe the now Ivy-League employed Web girl living in Manhattan once helped milk a hundred dairy cattle? Or that she is the same girl who used to Karaoke on Monday nights at a really bad Mexican restaurant in her college town - (but always loved the company she was with :) while doing so? Would you have guessed that I used to file medical records for 8 hours a day and that was still one of the best jobs I've ever had? Do you believe that I've driven both a Ford F350 and a Mercedes?

Some of the previous versions of my life barely resemble my life today. I miss all of the wonderful people who were a part of each and every one of these experiences but I don't think I'm quite "there" yet. I'm starting to think about my next life...and another town, another place, another everything...

Slow Seduction

My friend Emily and I always laugh when she says the Boston Red Sox seduced her, but lately I've been giving a lot of thought to the concept of seduction:
Seduce: 1. to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty. 2. to lead astray usually by persuasion - Merriam Webster

When I first moved to the East Coast I had no intentions of staying out here. My plan was to complete my Master's program and then return back to Des Moines and find a job.

But somewhere along the way I've fallen in love. I've fallen for the Boston Red Sox, the way the East Coast works hard and plays hard, leisurely weekend brunches, beach weekends, train travel, and laying out in the park. It was a combination of all these small things that, over time, got me.

A good friend of mine just today told me that she is moving back to the Midwest after living on the West Coast for two years. She has bittersweet feelings about it and I know exactly how she feels. It's something no one else can completely understand unless they've left home and fallen in love with something else.

I still miss so very much about home and will defend it endlessly, but a part of me is now starting to realize that I may never be truly content there ever again.

It took awhile, but Em, I think I'm ready to admit the East Coast has seduced me.

Attempting to Make the Midwest a Little Less Terrifying

As I've mentioned in this blog before, I get all kinds of responses when I tell people where I'm from. They range from off the wall to incredibly ignorant. I would then get upset and spend too much time and energy trying to correct their misconceptions. Eventually I grew tired of this and stopped. It turns out someone was listening...and that someone was someone I would have never expected.

One of my roommates is a native New Yorker. From the day we met, he declared the midwest to be "terrifying" and just "fly-over country". I continually tried to educate him on the midwest in general and Iowa in particular, but three years later it still hadn't seemed to matter. I assumed it was going in one ear and out the other.

But I was wrong. He came home from work the other day and proudly told me he had spent the afternoon telling his boss all about Iowa. What?!

Yes, it was true. They had just signed a new licensee from the Southeast corner of my state. His boss had the same typical reaction everyone does when they hear the word Iowa and, to my surprise, my roommate said he started telling him all I had shared with him in the past.

I guess someone was listening while I felt I was just talking to hear myself talk.

For anyone else who cares to listen:

Iowa is not flat:
"Despite popular perception, Iowa is generally not flat; most of the state consists of rolling hills. Prior[13] divides Iowa into eight landforms based on glaciation, soils, topography, and river drainage. Loess hills lie along the western border of the state, some of which are several hundred feet thick.[14] In the northeast, along the Mississippi River, is a section of the Driftless Zone, which in Iowa consists of steep hills and valleys which appear almost mountainous."

We do not all live on farms...and no one lives in a teepee:
"Iowa's population is more urban than rural, with 61 percent living in urban areas in 2000, a trend that began in the early 20th century.[45]"

"While Iowa is often viewed as a farming state, in reality agriculture is a small portion of a diversified economy, with manufacturing, biotechnology, finance and insurance services, and government services contributing substantially to Iowa's economy."

We do set some trends...the important ones:
"In the 19th century Iowa was among the earliest states to enact prohibitions against race discrimination, especially in education."

"As with racial equality, Iowa was a vanguard in women's rights in the mid 19th century.." "In 1847, the University of Iowa became the first public university in the U.S. to admit men and women on an equal basis.[92] In 1869, Iowa became the first state in the union to admit women to the practice of law, with the Court ruling that women may not be denied the right to practice law in Iowa and admitting Arabella A. Mansfield to the practice of law."
(all facts came from the great Wikipedia..my roommates' most trusted source of knowledge.)

There's much more, but I'll stop now just in case no one is listening.